Didn’t weigh in on Sunday…

… because after bragging about being down on Friday, I was up THREE POUNDS on Sunday. I was so angry that I didn’t post.

It turns out to have been temporary and mysterious, because this morning (after last night’s heavy dinner of tonkatsu and ramen with spring vegetables) I was down to 194.8. What a relief.

I am not eating as much fruit and veg as I should. I think I’ve been at an okay “maintaining” level of performance the last few days, but not a “losing” one. Need to get back on track. Need to progress past my current post-baby low weight of 191.

I did make one choice that I’m proud of in the past week. On one of the two full days at home alone with my daughter that I have every week, we usually hit McDonalds. We are both suckers for Happy Meal toys and french fries. I mean, who isn’t? And when you’re home with a two year old and outside is cold and raining and you’ve already survived three whole hours of your day before anything good opens in the morning (10:30 in the morning is practically mid-afternoon when you have small children… businesses take note please), you need something fun and easy and available. And a Happy Meal is it.

Anyway: this week instead of ordering a quarter pounder with cheese meal like I usually do, I ordered a Happy Meal for myself. A little tiny hamburger and a miniscule portion of fries. Apple slices and milk, too. And TWO Happy Meal toys, a girl one and a boy one, for my daughter and I to play with. And 40% of the calories for me. Win all around!

The food list

I stepped on the scale this morning and am down a whole pound from last week’s post-bloat low. 194.4 this morning. I’m pleased but also a little embarrassed by how easily that happened. I mean, I fell down over the weekend. I had a cheeseburger and fries, rhubarb crisp, oatmeal raisin cookies, several gin and tonics, and all kinds of processed nibbles that my toddler wanted to feed me (and I’m not going to say no to that all the time, she’s too cute). I’ve never been uncomfortably hungry. But there went that pound.

I am basically eating off of Weight Watchers’ old Core list, with a little extra leeway added in. Here’s what I eat, to satisfaction:

Fruit
Vegetables, including starchy vegetables, including potatoes
Unprocessed meat, any kind but what we have is all lean
Low-fat milk, yogurt, cottage cheese
Eggs
Whole grains, mostly oatmeal, brown rice, and popcorn
Whole wheat bread
Spices and herbs
Tea and coffee

Here are things that I eat without guilt, but try to keep a cap on:

Pasta, mostly whole wheat or high protein
Leaner processed meats: turkey bacon, chicken sausage
Canola oil, olive oil
Nuts
Other things in very small amounts (for example, a teaspoon of mustard and mayonnaise sauce on my salmon at dinner)
High protein or fiber snack bars when away from home
A gin and tonic no more often than every other day

Things that I am specifically avoiding:

Breakfast cereal
Cheese
Baked goods

So there it is. I am having Standby Oatmeal and a hard boiled egg for breakfast, lots of protein and veg plus some carbs for lunch, fruit and yogurt and nuts in the afternoon, more protein and veg and carbs for dinner, and cottage cheese plus some fruit or crackers at bedtime. I drink a couple cans of La Croix throughout the day, and drain the quart jar of water beside by bed by morning. I’m a thirsty sleeper.

I hope I keep losing weight.

Weekly weigh-in 4/14/2013

This week’s highest observed weight: 196.6
This week’s lowest observed weight: 195.4
This morning’s weight: 195.6

Overview: I pretty much did Weight Watchers’ old Core program this week, and eased up for a couple of meals this weekend. I deflated quickly and saw 195.4 pretty early in the week. I’m proud that I did well, because my daughter was bothered by SOMETHING (two year molars maybe?) that made her into a screaming, tearful, demanding little energy-drain for most of the week. Happily, she’s feeling better this morning.

Weaknesses: I had a couple of gin and tonics to unwind after full days with my unhappy daughter, on Tuesday and Thursday. I don’t regret it.

Strengths: I’ve been mostly not interested in junk food. Assuring myself that I CAN eat if I’m hungry, that there is no need to tolerate hunger, is comforting.

Plans for the coming week: soldier on. I am 95% sure I’m not pregnant this cycle but it ain’t over till it’s over. We’ll see what happens.

Foods I depend on

So I am pretty well back in “Core” mode, so called because of the now-defunct Weight Watchers program that really worked for me. There are several foods that I depend on when I’m doing this, and hard boiled eggs are one of them. No other egg preparation seems to have any staying power for me–they’re all too light and fluffy and melt away too soon. A cold hard boiled egg in your stomach, though, lets your body know that it’s got something substantial to deal with. Take that, stomach. I’ve been having one as my mid-morning snack, after eating Standby Oatmeal for breakfast.

I also depend on 1% milkfat, large curd cottage cheese. That’s another big slug of serious protein that sits in my stomach nicely. I usually eat a half cup as my bedtime snack and it keeps the midnight tummy-rumbles away.

Also roasted vegetables. I slice tomatoes, onions, zucchini, peppers, eggplant, squash, asparagus, or whatever other vegetable looked good at the market into pieces no more than 1″ thick and arrange them in a single layer on a tray. I spray them with olive oil Pam, salt, and roast at 400F for about 20-30 minutes. I can eat this hot as is or cold with a little fat-free dressing, I can wrap it up in an omelet, I can blitz it in the blender with stock to make a smooth vegetable soup. Tasty, easy, and oh so very filling and low calorie.

Because I feel so much better when I’m eating a lot of protein and moderate amounts of fat, it’s easy for me to under-eat carbs while I’m doing this. I know, isn’t that funny? The Core program had you count extra points for any kind of bread, but newer versions of it now allow light breads, so I’ve been eating that. I pile on protein salads–mashed up eggs and water-packed sardines, water-packed salmon with pickle relish, water-packed tuna with cottage cheese and a lot of pepper. On the days I’ve done this I’ve boldly eaten two slices at a time, and it works for me. It staves off hunger.

And finally nuts. It’s another thing that can look like a big calorie hit but is worth it, satiety-wise. Emerald now makes almonds with several tasty coatings that don’t involve sugar or much salt–Cocoa Roast and Vanilla Roast are the two I’m thinking of. If you want to take the hit of salt there are many many more fiendishly delicious flavors.

This morning I weighed 195.4, down another .4 pound in two days, that’s a total of 2.4 pounds in four days. It’s bloat of course, leaving my body along with the processed food. It feels good.

Pinterest

I love Pinterest. It’s the perfect highly-entertaining, zero-commitment distraction for me while watching my daughter play. These-a-days I have my Pinners pretty well narrowed down to home design and crafts, but every now and then I’ll peek at one of my real-life friends’ pages. Let me describe the content I usually find:

Recipes for sticky desserts involving chocolate, caramel AND peanut butter
Recipes for “easy” dinners involving pasta, sour cream, AND cream cheese
Pictures of cut female fitness models with workout routines superimposed

And that about sums up the female mindset, I think. The food we want and the bodies it won’t get us. Ah me, we’re a funny bunch aren’t we?

Chickentuna

Sooooo… this week I stumbled upon Chickentuna for the first time. She’s 45. She lifts weights three times a week (short routines that are on her website). She does about 30 minutes of cardio five times a week. She eats clean. Her ass is amazing.

Now, she’s been doing it for decades. In spite of what she says, she does have a lot of willpower. I don’t think that if I followed her routine for the next twenty years I would look like her… but somehow I am inspired.

Her message is so simple: this is what she does, you do what works for you. She’s so positive too. Scroll through her blog and see if you aren’t inspired, also. Start with her Words I Don’t Use page and see if you don’t like her.

I’m inspired to clean up my eating, anyway. Hello oatmeal, chicken, tuna, cottage cheese, grilled and steamed vegetables, whole grain bread, nuts and avocados. That sounds like a really appealing diet. I’ve just had my Standby Oatmeal for breakfast. I think I’ll make “tuna salad” with cottage cheese and raw veg for lunch and eat it on a piece of whole wheat bread. I think I’ll snack on almonds. I think I’ll try!

Running to stand still

I weighed in this morning at 197.2. The highest weight for the week was 198.0 and the lowest was 196.6. So the post-miscarriage bloat went away, but I didn’t lose any real weight.

I am tired out from the long holiday weekend. My husband had Good Friday off from work, so we all three had a little field trip on Friday morning. We all worked outside a lot, preparing for the gardening season to come. We took family walks. We cooked family meals. This morning we hunted eggs and dyed eggs and made pie and got dressed up and went to a big family meal. This afternoon there was more working outside and another walk.

It’s great, but losing my Friday morning to myself–and also being gun shy about doing housework during family time–means that the house is a wreck and I am in sore need of some time by myself. Tomorrow morning, if I was trying to catch up, I’d need to wash all the clothes plus the bedsheets, clean the bathrooms, and clean all of the floors–in addition to a double-duty pick up of the house and trying, once again, to get the kitchen cleaned up. Oh, right, and spend some time on the elliptical machine too, because I’m trying to lose weight right? Oh, and call all of the family I need to call to thank them for cards and gifts to my daughter on Easter, on her birthday, on Valentine’s Day, on Christmas… and to wish a belated happy birthday to every damn one of them. Except the kids. I am a stickler about getting cards and presents to the kids. But aren’t adults too old for birthdays? I feel too old for birthdays.

I am just plain worn out and need to eat something and put myself to bed. This isn’t a constructive frame of mind. I just wish I wasn’t so ravenously hungry in the middle of all of it, trying not to eat, feeling hungry and angry and weak and persecuted and always, always, always fat. My biggest obstacle to weight loss is HUNGER. My husband and his sister can skip meals and not suffer. I can’t even skip snacks and not suffer.

Yeah, today is a total nutritional wash, so I might as well feed my growling (literally!) belly and put my sad sorry self to bed. Tomorrow is another day, right?